What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
