Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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