What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
