Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
