She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
