Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
