I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
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