She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
