We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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