Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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