Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
