just come out here and I will go home with you...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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