I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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