I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
