i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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