youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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