can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
