so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
