it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
