there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
