I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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