Christians are straight up FREAKS
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i think my cat just said my name.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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