I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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