now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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