your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
