i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
