Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
are you so shy because you have an std?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
