So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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