i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
