She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
