You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
