That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
