I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
