so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
