do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
