you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize