do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
