they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
