I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
