is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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