I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
