i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I party with great urgency now.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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