Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
