anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
