There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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