I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
