so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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