So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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