You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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