so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
