How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
