**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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